Killer Toasters On The March,

away from police stations, cops have been banned from bringing toasters to work - because they are "dangerous", police chiefs introduced the ban after one toaster burnt slices of bread, melted and almost set fire to a station, now they insist that any toasters officers have taken to work to make snacks must be removed, I must admit I thought all police stations had canteens, every time I watch a police movie or TV series there always seems to be shot in the canteen, but the point is that killer toasters are banned, one cop said: "It's laughable, we drive fast cars, deal with people carrying guns and last week a colleague got slashed with a knife - yet they say operating a toaster may be a bit too dangerous, they're treating us like kids." another said: "It's just another regulation from the health and safety zealots." the ban relates to Holbeck division in Leeds, local Police Federation chief Michael Downes said: "It seems to be a sledgehammer to crack a nut." but Chief Superintendent Mark Milsom defended the new policy, saying: "We've had to stop using toasters because of a serious fire." so at least our boys in blue are safe at snack time, but there are other dangers lurking in the police station for the unwary copper,

a 22-page manual warns staff of the 'risks' that they face at their police station, also of the 'dangers' involved, a 7,000-word guide has been produced by Bureaucrats at Nottinghamshire Police to guide the police there through this huge minefield that is so dangerous, what is it I hear you ask - how to write emails and use the Internet, it is so helpful, with such tips as telling staff which font emails must be written in, the 22-page manual warns staff of the 'risks' associated with the Internet, such as wasting time browsing, and the importance of addressing emails correctly,

a force insider said that the documents stifled effective policing, 'It is completely ridiculous and patronising, if we read all these instructions we would have no time to get out on the streets and catch criminals,' said the officer, staff at the force are only given restricted access to the Internet because of the 'dangers' involved, the Internet procedure document says that it is safest not to let police free on the world wide web - in case they accidentally infringe Internet policy, in contrast, Cumbria Police wrote just 600 words of guidance for police about what they do online, an investigation has revealed, the documents, made public under the Freedom of Information Act, were drawn up by Information Security Manager Mark Weston between 2005 and 2007,

I must admit at 7,000 words long it seems a bit unnecessary, but Mick Taylor, chairman of the Nottinghamshire Police Federation, said that he thought the guidance was 'bureaucratic' and necessary, He said: 'Whenever we have had officers that have fallen foul of using police systems the first excuse we will put forward when there is a disciplinary case is where are the rules, we need to have these rules down in writing - but they have dotted every i and crossed every t with this, it is bureaucratic yes, but unless you want to send all staff on a training course about using computers it is necessary' so our police force can breath a sigh of relief, no more dangers from killer toasters and the Internet all on the same day!