A Few Funnies

Have a laugh! An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter; 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says;'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. 'Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters; 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.' Thought you might enjoy these. I'm sure you will have seen at least one or two before - pity people who work on help desks! Actual call centre conversations! Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'. Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'. Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'. Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'. Samsung Electronics Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?' Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'. Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?' Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'. RAC Motoring Services Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?' Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?' Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ): 'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?' Directory Enquiries Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'. Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?' Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'. Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?' Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '. On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'. 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" 7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'""That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.""Is it common?""Well, It's Not Unusual." 8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy. 9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. 10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. 11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"